Hello and Welcome to My Virtual Shrink from Roger Gould, M.D
Hello and welcome to My Virtual Shrink. We're very glad that you're here.
My Virtual Shrink isn't just another blog nor is it just another "self-help" program. We're not peddling gimmicks, catch phrases or secret steps to success. There's no secret to making changes in your life and relationships, solving problems and achieving goals.
Insight + Action = Change. Insight without action is meaningless and action without insight is chaos. That's basically all there is to it. It's that easy and that difficult.
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Posted at 7:49 AM, December 08, 2009 by Roger Gould, M.D. | Category: Miscellaneous | 1 Comment
Healthy Self-Love: The Foundation of Good Relationships
"You can't love anyone else until you love yourself. . ." Everyone knows this platitude. Accepting and loving yourself is a precondition to being in a healthy, reciprocal relationship. However, the oft-recited advice has it backwards: Before you can let yourself receive love from another, you must first accept and love yourself. If you're not capable of receiving love, you will attract and be attracted to others who will give you anything but love.
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Posted at 12:30 PM, February 08, 2010 by My Virtual Shrink | Category: Relationships | 0 Comments
Why People Stay in Bad Relationships
Who hasn't remained in a bad or go nowhere relationship longer than they should have? We've all done it against our better judgment, whether we want to admit it or not. Many people, both men and women, stay in go nowhere, dead end relationships even when their personal dissatisfaction is so palpable it fills a room. Why?
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Posted at 4:36 PM, January 27, 2010 by My Virtual Shrink | Category: Relationships | 2 Comments
Stop Procrastinating and Get Going!
Is there something you have always wanted to do, but are afraid to try? Do you want to make changes in your life, yet have difficulty letting go of the past and unhealthy habits? The key to change and moving forward in life lies within you and no one else. If someone pointed to a prison cell would you willingly enter and lock the door on yourself? Didn't think so.
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Posted at 12:23 PM, January 04, 2010 by My Virtual Shrink | Category: Taking Charge | 2 Comments
How to Make Successful New Year's Resolutions
New Year's resolutions are often the seeds of annual recrimination and regret. We resolve to lose weight, to quit smoking, to have better relationships and lead new and improved lives. Three months later, most of us are still overweight, smoking, unhappy or frustrated and wonder where we went astray when we had the best on intentions on December 31st.
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Posted at 5:23 PM, December 29, 2009 by My Virtual Shrink | Category: Holiday Stress | 5 Comments
Necessary and Unnecessary Stress
I have given a great deal of thought to the problem of stress and one of the most important distinctions I think one can make is between necessary and unnecessary stress.
Necessary stress is obvious. You've lost your job, or you are going through a divorce. You've lost a loved one, or you are dealing with serious health problems. There's a great deal of pressure at work and not enough time for work and private life. These are the kind of major events and every day traps in the life-cycle that are necessarily stressful. There is no way to avoid them or the stress they cause. Although the intensity and duration of stress depends to a great degree on you handle them, events like these will cause some degree of stress no matter what you do.
In contrast, there is unnecessary stress.
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Posted at 6:24 AM, December 28, 2009 by Roger Gould, M.D. | Category: Depression | 8 Comments
2 Reasons Why Holiday Gifts Cause Relationship Problems
Are you sweating what to buy your sweetheart for the holidays this year? Are you feeling a lot of pressure to buy the "perfect gift?"
Holiday gifts have been the death knell of many a burgeoning and faltering relationship. This is usually because too many people attach over-importance on the holiday trinket and not the relationship itself.
If a holiday gift makes or breaks a relationship, odds are it was already on shaky ground. There are various reasons why people give gifts: it's expected, buying another person's love and affection, manipulation, guilt or as a simple token of affection.
For some, giving and receiving gifts is a huge deal; for others, it's not so important. If you're in a secure and healthy relationship, holidays, birthdays and other gift giving occasions are days that remind you how lucky you are to have found each other and be together. If you're not in an unhealthy relationship or are simply out for everything you can get, gifts become a source of conflict, sense of failure, entitlement, guilt trips and anger.
There are two main reasons why gifts cause relationship problems:
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Posted at 8:01 AM, December 10, 2009 by My Virtual Shrink | Category: Holiday Stress | 1 Comment
Holidates: 3 Tips for Surviving a New Relationship During the Holidays
Beginning a new relationship during the holiday season can be extremely angst provoking. Issues that typically don't arise until later in the relationship come under the magnifying glass and implode even the most promising of relationships. The holidays are stressful in and of themselves (money, shopping, crowds, family, unrealistic expectations, etc.) A brand new relationship is frequently one stressor too many because people allow it to be.
Here are some tips for avoiding the legendary holiday crash and burn:
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Posted at 7:59 AM, December 10, 2009 by My Virtual Shrink | Category: Holiday Stress | 2 Comments
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Dr. Roger Gould
Author & Psychiatrist
Assoc. Prof. UCLA
Creator of MVS
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